Published on May 27th, 2011 | by Mikey The Footlocker0
Get Schooled In Funk 101
Welcome to “Funk 101.” I trust you all brought your bass and platform shoes, because this is about to get heavy! Group jams are the proper form of funk music indulgence, though you may prefer to enjoy alone with no one watching or listening to you. Let your freak flag fly.
Dancing is not encouraged — it’s mandatory.
Kickin’ off this list is the funkmeister himself, Bootsy Collins, followed by a string of other well-known names to slowly ease you in. As you let loose and forget about your 9-to-5, you’ll find yourself taken over by a spiritual power that is 100 percent outta sight. The cosmos will re-align around you and the earth will pulse with the beat in your booty.
Listen to that bass pull your muscles toward your wildest dreams. Neighborhood cats suddenly seem more groovy than before. Feel those drums lift your knees as you totally give in to the funk. You’ll never want to leave. By the end of the list you’ve wondered how all those good intending people on this tiny planet could withhold this gift from humanity. Stay tuned for your next funk lesson, as we learn why it is that this planet was not ready for the funk, nor will it be.
Mikey The Footlocker is the proud recipient of the Washington County’s 3rd annual Watermelon Seed Spitting Contest’s 8th place trophy for 1994.